Donde pongo el ojo pongo la bala.
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Posts from — March 2011

Blind as a bat

I love my yearly visit to Brevard Eye Center. This time, I went knowing full well that I have finally reached the age when comfort trumps vanity and I am giving up on contact lenses and on ONLY wearing glasses when I’m home or in a dark movie theater. Bring on the four eyes!!!

The only thing I absolutely hate is the pupil dilation. I never knew why it bothered me so much (and I mean, to the point where I alternate between feeling high and wanting to vomit, all while feeling like I’m underwater and half blind) until this last visit. And here’s why:

I have artificial 20/20 vision. What does that even mean? In the words of Dr. H, “You basically have Superman muscles in your eyes. They are overcompensating so that you have really amazing vision, when your vision actually kind of sucks.” OK, he didn’t say the sucks part. That’s all me. But my vision does suck… a lot. A lot more than I’m prepared to admit.

So when my pupils are dilated and those muscles are relaxed and my eyes can’t force themselves to focus, my brain starts freaking out. FREAKING OUT. And that, apparently, is what my REAL vision is like. I can barely see a hand in front of my face. Awesome. So I picked out some frames (not that day, two days later, I couldn’t even see well enough that day to grab the frames I had already CHOSEN).

I feel old!

March 26, 2011   7 Comments


clawing at the surface
desirous of a scar
that will somehow prove
it really happened, it’s not in your head
blade etching out a name
letter by
— halting prematurely
when your mind goes blank
monochromatic images; fantasies?
“almost” and “could have been”
blinding brightness, deafening silence
smug, mocking witnesses
of that unspoken goodbye

heavy, so heavy
so heavy, heart

March 22, 2011   3 Comments